And remember, this is for posterities sake, so be honest.

If I ever go to Russia, I want to remember this dream I had last night just to see if it will come true.

The furthest back I remember is when I separate from the group I'm with (no idea who) visiting Russia. No one wants to go with me to see the Russian circus but I have this have-to-do-this-once-in-my-life mentality. So I head down the main street to the ticket booth. First things first we have a mix-up because I thought they didn't take American money, but then they changed their mind. There were three possible options. I could see Bobo the bear, the regular circus, or ride the flow-rider. I wanted to see Bobo the bear REALLY badly...but as I was buying my ticket the ticket lady turns towards me and says, "Actually, Bobo the bear just died. You can't see him." Distraught I decided to not go to the circus anymore and asked her where a good place to eat authentic Russian food was. She directed me back up the main street.

Then I woke up wanting kolaches. And not just regular kolaches, German kolaches.

I wonder about my self-conscious sometimes.

Menace to Society

You know, no woman's blog is complete without an angsty post about marriage.

However, today I bring you a critique of an article I happen to glance upon in the school newspaper, link here. (This was on the front page)

This article does particularly apply to me, so I decided to read it while I shirked its sister article here. It also ironically applies because I went in to see a councilor today about graduation. I am sadly now under the illusion that I cannot graduate because I have not gotten married yet (see the checklist from the second article...though I guess I also don't have a job.)(!)

Anyways, these are my favorite quotes and favorite thoughts thereof...

“I feel like there is a pressure for everyone to just get married as fast as they can. It’s sad, but some girls start to lose hope if they’re 21 and not married before graduation,” Townsend said.

Yes. I think I've lost hope. It must be "hanging out" with 'reason' and 'eternal perspective' over in pagan lands where only lesser-than-BYU-attendees are. Ashlet Van Wagoner (Author of first article), I expect an opinion section letter from you on Tues/Thursday claiming this article was required writing for some stupid publishing class.

"In an unscientific survey of a small number of students, the average age a BYU student was socially expected to be married was 22 for females and 25 years old for males."

Yes. The best source for statistical facts are from unscientific surveys of a small number of students. Excellent journalism there. Oh, and by the way, 25 just happens to be the age of the 'menace to society' adage. I'm really shocked you came up with that number! But 22! I might as well dye my hair grey, walk with a stoop, and adopt 5 kittens now!

I guess I shouldn't be too irked by this front page article in the school newspaper. However, thank you Daily Universe, for making sure I will never take your journalism seriously again (except for the girl who does the opinion viewpoint articles. You rock! Unfortunately there's no link to you on the website.)

I'm not!

So I've been watching a lot of what I say on facebook more than usual lately. Not only because I lack this (kinda...but in a different way), but also because I feel that everything and anything I am going to say is going to be taken wrongly by someone.

For example,

In my Russian class I read this AMAZING book Eugine Onegin and I want to quote a ton of things from it like,

"Of course the love of tender beauties/Is surer far than friends or kin:/Your claim upon its joyous duties/Survives when even tempests spin./Of course it's so. And yet be wary,/For fashions change, and views will vary..."

Isn't that beautiful poetry that is absolutely true (and I dislike poetry in general mind you)? But I feel like if I post it on facebook that someone will take offense. I've never been afraid to post my opinion before now, so what's up with me? Am I trying to appease too many people? Too many people that aren't myself?

And no, I'm not trying to pointedly or indirectly write this to someone. When I have a biff with someone, I'll talk to them about it or forget about it cause its not worth getting mad at the person over. I don't know. Don't I?

Man, I'm re-reading this post and even I think I'm writing it to someone when I'm not. I'm not! Maybe I know something about myself that myself doesn't know or doesn't want to know. What a pardox I am!

Anyways, here's some more poetry that I liked from the book. Enjoy.

Eugene Onegin chp4 pg 92 stanza 20, "Hm, hm, dear reader, feeling mellow?/And are your kinfold well today?/To hear what I'm prepared to say/On 'kinfolk' and their implications?' Well, here's my view of close relations:/They're people whom we're bound to prize,/To honour, love, and idolize,/And, following the old tradition,/To visit come the Christmas feast,'Or send a wish by mail at least;/All other days they've our permission/To quite forget us, if they please-/So grant them, God, long life and ease!"

"Fare thee well, and if for ever, Still for ever, fare thee well." -Byron

And this last one is a portion of the book that hit me hard at the heart. I'd memorize it if I liked poetry :)

chp 4 st. 51 "...Oh, blest is he who lives believing/Who takes cold intellect for naught/Who rests within the heart's sweet places/As does a drunk in sleep's embraces/Or as, more tenderly I'd say/ A butterfly who blooms of May/ But wretched he who's too far-sighted/Whose head is never fancy-stirred/Who hates all gestures, each warm word/As sentiments to be derided/Whose heart...experience has cooled/And barred from being loved...or fooled!"

Ok, I lied, just one more! I posted this on my door after my roommate and I laughed at the truthfulness of it.

chp 3 st. 22"I've known great beuties proudly distant/As cold and chaste as winter snow/Implacable, to all resistant/Impossible for mind to know/I've marveled at their haughty manner/Their natural virtue's flaunted banner/And I confess, from them I fled/As if in terror I had read/Above their brows the sign of Hades:/Abandon Hope, Who Enter Here!/ Their joy is striking men with fear/For love offends these charming ladies./ Perhaps along the Neva's shore/You too have known such belles before."

My pet bird was put down today because of complications with her having eggs. So since this is a blog mainly dedicated to happiness, I find myself reminiscing on what made her such an excellent companion.

She had her quirks. She liked my brother even though he did nothing but go out of the way to scare her, liked to eat paper, and had the fond nickname "popcorn-hawk"

We never cut her wings because none of us could stand to see her not fly anymore. We love our freedom in my household and to take that away from even a little bird, after she has gained it, is too much.

Lastly, she was a great companion and an inspiration for many a doodles and symbolism.

All dogs go to heaven. Well, I am going to extrapolate here and say that Cockatiels do too. RIP my dear sweet bird.

Reading

I've done me some nice amount of reading over the past two weeks. And by nice, I mean 1 book. I finished "Gone With The Wind" and couldn't help feeling closer to my little brother who is in the South right now.

Also I hate Scarlet. Just had to get that out there.

But I wanted to note that I'm taking this class where we study Russian novels that have been translated into English. I am also reading the NYT EVERY DAY. This is an amazing feat for me because I really detest journalism. There are some good writers out there and, thankfully, the NYT is very good but the majority of the time I just don't like how journalism is written. However, as the new years bodes people making resolutions, I have decided to get over myself for New Years and start doing (a few) things that I hate. Reading the Newspaper, reading non-fiction, and (taking some proverbs verses to heart) curbing my tongue are a few of them.

Therefore, I fully expect to be a fully informed, lower-decibel, communist citizen when April comes around.