Chuck Norris Chelsea

I have a confession to make. My friend has found me out and I can hold back the truth no longer. She has been sending me text messages of said truths to me constantly and in order to avoid her black mailing me, I now present them to you here now. Let it be known!

• Chelsea makes baby Jesus Cry
• Chelsea clubs baby seals
• Chelsea invented telemarketing
• Chelsea is responsible for 9/11
• Chelsea covers Marine animals in oil for fun
• Chelsea forces Koreans to become dry cleaners
• Chelsea was one of the points of protest in the Declaration of Independence
• Chelsea is the leading cause of child abuse in America
• Chelsea once abused all the old people in a nursing home at once.
• Chelsea once sold an entire troop of Girl Scouts into sex slavery just for the cookies
• Chelsea causes traffic jams with her mind
• Chelsea forced Waldo into hiding
• Chelsea scared Jack the Ripper at night
• Chelsea goes on vacation to Afghanistan to throw acid on people
• Chelsea once drank all the quinine in a village in Africa just to watch the babies with Malaria die.
• Chelsea likes Miley Cyrus
• Chelsea embezzled all the money from the Red Cross to finance her Farmville addiction
• Chelsea once shot a woman in the face and made HER apologize
• Chelsea uses the endangered animal list as a hunting guide
• Chelsea gives people AIDs as a hobby
• Chelsea thinks the raping of Nanking was weak
• Chelsea burns flags at the Olympics
• Chelsea is responsible for genocide in Bosnia
• Chelsea burns homeless people with glue guns for sport
• Chelsea throws toasters into public swimming pools
• Chelsea steals shopping carts from hobos
  
• Chelsea takes kittens away from Gorillas
• Chelsea's favorite shape is a Swastika
• Chelsea puts gelatin in Vegan's food
• Chelsea glues quarters to the bottom of fountains
• Chelsea paints Confederate flags on Civil Rights Leader's graves
• Chelsea supported the Black Death and thought the Dark Ages was progressive
• Chelsea is the leader of all organized crime
• Chelsea eats all of the free samples at Costco no matter how many people are waiting
• Chelsea invented toll booths
  
• Chelsea steals Bibles from churches to sell for tinder
• Chelsea gives prisoners shanks
• Chelsea stole food from Oliver Twist
• Chelsea is the reason why Mark Twain hates Mormons
• Chelsea made Hitler an anti-Semite
• Chelsea causes the blue screen of death
• Chelsea pulls the wings off of butterflies
• Chelsea parks in 4 handicap parking spots at once.
• Chelsea burned all the copies of Russian History and replaced it with Teletubbies
• Chelsea once made a coat made of 100's of hamsters she stole from 7 year olds
• Chelsea hates cupcakes
• Chelsea likes to kidnap kindergartners and make them do calculus.
• Chelsea once pinched Mother Teresa in the face
• Chelsea likes to throw chess pieces at homeless people
• Chelsea puts asbestos in the ice cream she sells with lead paint chip sprinkles
• Chelsea donated her hair to locks of love after she rubbed poison oak all over it