Accountable

Hey readers!

I have to admit, life seems pretty grey and hard to talk about after you go on an amazing adventure to the Mediterranean. That being said, I finally am writing again about my life and the things that amuse me therein.

Not being in school anymore gives me a lot of free time outside of work. I've picked up all my old hobbies that I've put aside en lieu of doing homework and studying. I have read multiple books, both for enjoyment and intellectually challenging-ness, that I have been meaning to get to. And I even found out I have unlimited texting now :D Life is good!

I have been, however, confronted with morality in the entertainment I am now seeking in my free time. I want to be informed! I have been reading political books, history, religious, sci-fi, and Mark Twain. I want to know about the things in the news today. I want to see the spectrum besides my own life of comfort versus others of pain, rape, genocides, cruelty, torture, and despondency.

It's easy enough to find these things in media as well as books...and twitter. I follow Breaking News on there and they give me an infinite amount of the stuff thanks to it constantly going on in the world.

So I mean, watching Rated R movies should be nothing, right? I mean, life is a Rated R movie, if not worse. Should I voluntarily ignore the topics covered in Rated R movies based solely on the seemingly ignorant fact that my church discourages it? Should I even be watching or reading documentaries about the violent and perverse actions of warring countries? So the church discourages us from being informed about the world, eh? Doesn't seem right that I should be ignorant of these evil deeds. How in the world then am I to counter these evils if I haven't seen, experienced, or know what they are?

To the unbeliever...God and faith doesn't hold in the face of guerrilla warfare and systematic war crimes. To the believer, understanding is also elusive.

So I want to know about these things in the only way I'm comfortable learning about them. Through media and most definitely not first hand experience. Who wants to be part of a war crime first hand?

I was at work on Wednesday when the security guard came up to chat with us. One of our workers pointed to the guards tattoo that I was politely ignoring and asked him about it. After explaining what it was, the security guard said he was getting it removed soon. I was surprised about this, mostly because if I got a tattoo (which I am in no danger of, trust me) I would keep it as a reminder of my sin in a form of self-aggrandizement. But he is getting it removed? He explained, "Well, I teach primary kids and I'm just tired of the questions they ask me and having to try to explain it to them unsuccessfully."

I enjoy greatly talking to my friends about controversial things. You get to see people unnerved and you also get to think about these things that are usually ignored or put on the fence as something to ignore. I've been talking profusely lately with friends about watching Rated R movies. I have been feeling a self-induced ignorance of late about the more serious topics in life because I avoid them as well as literature that delves into the more perverse things in life.

My friends already consider me well informed. How did I come to be well informed if I don't watch Rated R movies? There must needs be some inconsistency here.

Introspection day. Read about 8 articles on lds.org, put on MoTab to invite the spirit, and tried to listen to a spirit I have been avoiding as of late. It has come down to Brother Ezra straight out saying 'Don't watch Rated R movies'. So do I fulfill my desire to be informed when I am already informed or do I be faithful and ignorant?

So I asked myself, Do I believe in the prophet? Does he speak the word of God? Can he say anything contrary to God's will? Does God know what a rated-R movie is? Has he thought it necessary for me to know the evils of violence, pornography, and language (usual reasons for rated-R ratings)? Does evil ever really change? Is it really as elusive as I think it is? Isn't evil evil and good good? In the last days won't people call evil good and good evil?

I found myself explaining to my friends why it was ok to watch Rated R movies. How, Rated R movies can have deeper meanings and that sometimes they aren't rated R for violence or sex but because the topic is sensitive. Because it is hard for us humans to see in our entertainment what the holocaust was like or that war is not to be glorified but feared for the atrocity that it is. To those who use these justifications if not others, I cannot deny these truths. Many people cannot have empathy of these things easily save they see a movie about it.

As I am prone to do, I looked back on and analyzed at how I explained my newfound belief that Rated R movies were ok. But something was off with this belief and my current beliefs. That's why I had introspection day and tried to find an answer. It is because I am accountable to those I stand as an example for. Dear friends, I don't know if I am an example to you. I don't wish to have access to that form of pride. So instead I give another example that came to me. When I have children and they ask to see a rated R movie and I say no when I still do watch them, how will that hold any clout to their sense of truth? It will more hold sway to their sense of hypocrisy and my children will begin to see me as a mere mortal instead of their mother. And if you let your children watch rated R movies? And if you are able to overcome the feeling that you are instrumental to taking away their innocence? I have no doubt in my mind that the scripture will come to you that God prefers believers more than the fat of rams and repentance.

I've realized it isn't ignorance. It hasn't been blind faith or putting on the fence the 'question' of rated R movies...It was more the answer and faith to my other questions. God, if I don't watch these things you have warned me of, will you still inform me? Can I still have access to the ways of countering these evils in the world? Will I be strong enough to face them on your arm alone when I am ignorant? Will you accept my ignorance as a tool to use as I only gain information on the evils of this world from literature and documentaries that inform me in a righteous way? Is there such a way?

I have found many ways. As I read about history, it is laced with these evils. However, I have felt that good history books, lovely political books, and wholesome entertainment inform their constituents but do not relish in the evil unearthed therein. I have found that evil is always evil and there are no 'new' forms of evil.

Congrats on getting to the end of this post! I wrote it more for myself than anyone else. I felt my experience might help others who have gone through the same things I have. I may still find myself growing to incorporate other ideas. I might even convince myself that I am wrong, even now. Hopefully I won't let my human self choose things my spiritual self wouldn't. I still hold to the truth that I will never judge a person who watches rated R movies. Every persons salvation is between them a Christ. May the Holy Ghost be your guide.