We didn't start the fire...

Do you ever have those occurrences in life were something happens and you just become LIVID over it? Well, one of those events that happened today was an e-mail I received that just...lit a flame in my soul. And not a happy flame either.

Backstory: I've worked at Catering for 3 years, I've been an opener for 1, and at work they are currently being VERY strict about not going over 20 hours in a week period.

Here's the e-mail.

"You have been scheduled as the captain on an event for this Friday. It is important that you use your time Opening efficiently so that you will have enough time to do the rack-up and be the captain for this event."

Firstly, I realize it's probably not the most professional thing to be doing, sharing an e-mail. I always like to think of myself as professional. If you want to know the real reason why I'm sharing it, it's because it is a foreshadowing of things to come (not more frivolous e-mails)...which things I won't reveal just yet. Secondly, I don't want to vent. I usually do vent but I'm trying to be better at not doing so. So instead I pose questions, mostly rhetorical, in order to express my frustration. Are you ever condemned to suspect those people you have hired to not do their job correctly, especially under the constraints you have established for them? Are nominal reminders that are often excessive in their use, but lacking in poignant purpose, useful to incite action in your employees? Are the marked past efforts of a worker fruitless in predicting how they will act in the future? These things I ask do not seem to me TOO much to ask of any one person, even my superiors, and especially for myself.

Maybe it's my pride. Maybe I feel entitled to too much in my work place. Maybe I have imagined to gain some measure of respect in those I work for where none was actually gained. Maybe I should take the advice of my fellow co-workers and stop caring. But that's now how I work! Truthfully, this e-mail is just the spark that fell on a pile of newspapers, fireworks, and dried evergreen pine branches that have been doused in Gasoline. You can expect an explosion.

Zombies and Prejudice and Pride

So I'm doing a little reading group with a friend of mine, Mar-bar :), and taking a break from another book I'm reading, just finished the newest assignment. It was "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. Now I must admit, I had avowed not to read this book. But I suppose my avowals are flighty, at best. My overall review for the book was that it amused me greatly as a parody. That, however, was it's main merit (it being 65% the original novel). However, as for "The Count of Monte Cristo", there is a Readers Discussion Guide at the end of this book that I must needs make fun of (10 questions total).

Enjoy.

1. Many critics have addressed the dual nature of Elizabeth's personality. On one hand, she can be a savage, remorseless killer, as we see in her vanquishing of Lady Catherine's ninjas. On the other hand, she can be tender and merciful, as in her relationships with Jane, Charlotte, and the young bucks that roam her family's estate. In your opinion, which of these "halves" best represents the real Elizabeth at the beginning--and end of the novel?

Firstly I want to apologize for these overly long questions. Just typing them made me want to stop reading my own answers to them. Secondly, I really hope the author didn't come up with these questions. "Why does it seem that there are two sides to Elizabeth's character? It couldn't POSSIBLY be that there are two competing ideas of her stemming from two separate authors in one book!" But seriously, Mr. Smith has no ability to merge the two worlds of Zombie invasion and the Pride and Prejudice era. May I now be added into the class of "Many critics", all of which are ambiguously referred to in the upcoming discussion questions.

2. Is Mr. Collins merely too fat and stupid to notice his wife's gradual transformation into a zombie, or could there be another explanation for his failure to acknowledge the problem? If so, what might that explanation be? how might his occupation (as a pastor) relate to his denial of the obvious...(question excluded to avoid spoiler).

Oh yeah, insulting the characters is a good idea. Let's just allow ample time here in discussion groups across America to bash this ever so obviously useless character. I also thought Mr. Smith's dealings with the Collins' poorly done. He abused them needlessly in the book and I didn't...appreciate his ferver in turning their lives in the way he did.

3.The strange plague has been the scourge of England for "five-and-fifty years." Why do the English stay and fight, rather than retreat to the safety of eastern Europe or Africa?

Because Mr. Smith is a poor story writer and doesn't think things through (and by things, I mean plot lines)? Rationally, in the real world, what would anyone do against zombies? Haven't the British always fought tooth and nail for their home country?

4. Who receives the sorrier fate: Wickam or Lydia (edited to avoid spoilers)?

I think I pity them both equally really.

5. Due to her fierce independence, devotion to exercise, and penchant for boots, some critics have called Elizabeth Bennet "the first literary lesbian." Do you think the authors intended her to be gay? And if so, how would this Sapphic twist serve to explain her relationships with Darcy, Jane, Charlotte, Lady Cathering, and Wickham?

Eh? Where did this come from? Did we read the same book? Oh right. I forgot. ANY woman who participates in any of those activities is obviously lesbian. Silly me. Especially since there isn't a single line in the whole book about her admiring anyones boots. That flaw in this question's logic aside, I'm 99% sure this was put in a readers discussion in order to be provoking and an attempt to make it interesting. Thank you "Some critics" for this ample opportunity for discussion.

6. Some critics have suggested that the zombies represent the authors' views toward marriage-an endless curse that sucks the life out of you and just won't die. Do you agree, or do you have another opinion about the symbolism of the unmentionables?

This. made. me. laugh. Anyone can take anything to be symbolic if they want to. To me, the zombies were simply an intrusion on the original plot line because of the author's inability to merge the two ideas. If the zombies were meant to be symbolic as an anti-marriage sentiment, they showed up in the wrong book seeing as the original story line sees all the main characters happily (if not serendipitously) married in the end. As much as I'd love for this question to have been asked by "Some critics", I'm going to say that this is the view of the person that wrote the question.

7. Does Mrs. Bennet have a single redeeming quality?

Do YOU!? Let's just throw around some more insults! WhoooOOOooO! Hey person coming up these questions, did you notice that half the plot line in the book is determined by Mrs. Bennet? You've OBVIOUSLY studied Pride and Prejudice very well to come up with the conclusion that she has none whatsoever.

8. Vomit plays an important role in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies...Do the authors mean for this regurgitation to symbolize something greater, or is it a cheap device to get laughs?

I'm going with cheap device. But at the same time I thought it an appropriate emphasis of the discomfort of the characters in a way more understandable to people of our day and age. I remember when I read this book in my English class back in high school...The delicacy of feelings in old England are sometimes hard to discern.

9. This is a stupid question and I tire of it. Man...I think I'm being just as biased as the person who wrote these questions. Or should I say...prejudiced?

10. Some scholars believe that the zombies were a last-minute addition to the novel, requested by the publisher in a shameless attempt to boost sales. Others argue that the hordes of living dead are integral to Jane Austen's plot and social commentary. What do you think? Can you imagine what this novel might be like without the violent zombie mayhem?

I think you know what I think considering what I've responded before. But I'm quite certain I can imagine what this novel might be like without the violent zombie mayhem...but I'm glad the writer of these questions recognizes the possibility of this book being a parody of gain and not of literary significance.

Ode to a Truck Lift

I wrote the following Ode whilst at work the other day. I don't want to lose it but I want to throw the paper away, so here it is in all it's glory. Enjoy. (also goes to the music of this song (by Josh Groban! I didn't even know!))

You raise me up, so I can stand level with the truck bed,
You raise me up, so I can be lazy,
I feel strong, when i can lift you by myself,
You are the platform beneath my feet.

You raise me up, along with an estimated 200 ten and three quarter plates,
You raise me up, Oh! What majesty of strength!
When you break, it kinda really sucks (insert choice curse word),
Because then, I can't leave my event.

You raise me up, cause Joe told me to load the truck,
You raise me up, to noises that sound like somethings dying,
I feel strong, because you as a mechanical device do all the hard work for me,
You've yet to crush my toes beneath your weight.

Got Crutches?

Every year up at the Y, these people put on a handicapped accessibility awareness thing. They have you do a little activity (like ride around in a wheel chair, or walk around with crutches) and after you complete it you get a cool t-shirt! I've wanted to do it each year, but have always opted out, saying I'm too busy.

But it's something deeper than that. I don't meant to impugn the troubles of others by faking to go through what they do for just one day. I do my best to have empathy in other ways, like opening doors for them, or giving them rides if I had a car/capabilities, etc.

However, it turns out I get to have empathy in another way. I noted today as I limped around campus with a bruised food (I'm still not used to my cleats for soccer and when I kicked the ground with them, the ground kicked back) just how much stairs suck. Also slight inclines. Also, seating arrangements for people with long legs. Complaining aside, I just wanted to note that the accessibility activity for the t-shirt was last week and my 'injury' is this week. The irony amuses me. I kinda want to pick up a pair of crutches just for the novelty!

Mrs. Brightside

If you're wondering how I'm doing right now, I'm eating Yogurt with a butter knife. I'm trying to conserve on spoon usage? And yes, I am weird, but not THAT weird. This weekend has been further away from awesome on the scale of how amazing a weekend could be. However, as always, I refuse to let bad things bring a disheartening shade to the color of my life.

My kitchen sink isn't working. We told ye olde landlord (it's talk like a pirate day, arrr!) that it t'wasn't working and he put a sign on it for three days saying not to use it and let the water drain. But when I had three days worth of three girls cereal-milk-filled bowls on the counters of our rather small kitchen, I decided I could no longer turn a blind eye. So I called him again and he tried to fix it (good sport, it was nasty) but in the end we have to call a plumber tomorrow. I took all my dishes over yesterday, with the help of my ever so wonderful roommate, to the neighbors house and did them there. (Hence me eating with a knife because I don't want to run out of clean spoons when I can get creative in my yogurt eating ways.) (Imagine: "Hey neighbor, random request, can I use you're sink to wash my dishes? Thanks!")

But I would not have my kitchen troubles end there, no! When I got home Friday afternoon, I thought it would be a good idea to boil some water for cider to combat my new-est illness. Yes, I woke up Friday morning and I was barely able to breath and had a fever by the end of the day. It makes for a fun Friday to say the least. Back to the boiling water. Turns out I turned on the wrong burner and took to incinerating a plastic spatula that was laying innocently on the stove. Note to self: I owe my roommate a new spatula. So I spent the afternoon combating sickness and poisonous gases and the fear that if I fell asleep for a nap, that I would not wake up. Instead, when my doctor tells me that I have lung cancer from inhaling toxic fumes I'll have the witty comeback of "From what doctor? L.A. fumes, Asbestos, or a plastic spatula?"

I forgot about water on the stove on three more occasions for the rest of the weekend. I now set a timer to anything I put on the stove and am considering investing in a tea kettle that whistles at me.

My Saturday was eventful. I don't do hw when I'm sick, and in college that puts you behind. Very behind. With that stress in mind, I set down to play the original Spyro game. Now keep in mind, most video games are designed to give a player an average time of 40+ hours of game play in order to beat it 100%. Also keep in mind that I promised my father that I would not bring video games with me to college. That being said, I am proud to say I not only beat the Spyro game start to finish in a 10 hour period (10 a.m. to 8 p.m.) but I also got it to 95% completion without saving it once!

Sunday was uneventful. I was planning on doing hw since I had hoped my head would've cleared up by today, but I was wrong. So now I have to look forward to racing to do all my hw, hoping I don't have a quiz in one of my classes, and getting over the last stages of an illness that left me on my couch for three days.

No, my life isn't as bad as it could be. That is why tomorrow I will do my hw quite well because I'm actually pretty good at math, take that quiz if it comes without a shade of fear, and drink lots of hot water mixed with honey and lemon juice (being one of the tastiest things in the world) to overcome the last trickles of my illness. I'm feeling worlds better (seeing as I can breath and don't have a fever), I'll have a skip in my step as I treat myself to new music, and I'll probably do something amazing tomorrow to compensate for being a bump on a log for the whole weekend.

So there life. Take you're misery-inducing experiences and know that I'm making them happy ones. And I always will. :P

Life: "You'll regret that emoticon."
Me: "I know!"
Life: "Well! Now you'll REALLY regret it."

p.s. Google "eating yogurt with a butter knife" and look at the images results. It's funny. Especially page 5 as it comes up with a picture of the cast of Baywatch.

Ten Things I Love About Me

a. I LOVE Divine Comedy. They often fit my humor perfectly. However, that is not the main reason that I love them. They remind me of better times, times that I cherish, times that will never come again. I think I'm also trying to not love them so much as I used to. A person gave their testimony to me recently that He tried his best not to always be giving stories about his mission because then you're always depending on your mission for stories instead of creating new ones. I'm not saying I'm going to start liking Humor U over Divine Comedy anywhere in the future, but I do want to know if there's more humor out there. And there is. And I'll find it!
b. Anyone who truly knows me well can determine when I'm being sarcastic and when I'm not. I LOVE sarcasm. The majority of the sentences that come out of my mouth I have shaped specifically to mean the opposite of what I'm saying. But I never mean to be mean? It has to do with me loving to make fun of things that I view as ridiculous...see I.
c. There are few things in this world that give me greater happiness than leaving it for another one. By that I mean that I love Science Fiction/fantasy and the escape they provide. To illustrate, when I read books I have an average rate of reading 30 pages per hour (unless it's academic, in which it's 10 pages an hour) but when I read a sci-fi book I like it's about 40 pages an hour. I've gotten better at not loosing myself completely in works of fiction...but not by much.
d. I have a flashdrive who was named "Freedom" when I bought it. Sure there are probably a million out there named Freedom, but I prefer to think it poignant for my life, see K.
e.Someone playing the Violin is my favorite sound.
f. No matter what mood I'm in, 'Blessed are they that Mourn' by Brahms will always make me feel better.
g. While I am very religious and love the hymns the church provides, my favorite hymn is one taught to me at a music camp. If you want to hear it you can ask me to sing it for you, but you'll have to join in since it's a round.
h. The song Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious from Mary Poppins is the number one song played on my Ipod. I love that it is because I have NOT listened to that song 449 times. It just so happens that I left it on repeat during one night and don't want to delete the tally marks.
i. I live to find things that are ridiculous. It just makes me laugh! And I think it makes most people think of me as immature that I get joy from being ridiculous. Well, jokes on them!
j. I prefer scooters to bikes. They are so much more maneuverable even though they are half as fast.
k. I find symbolism in everything. For example, this morning I woke up at 7:11 with no assistance of an alarm clock. Those two numbers often remind me of God and helped me remember that He is always there for me. But at the same time I take the majority of those symbolisms with a grain of salt because I'm afraid of being wrong/depending the actions of my life on flimsy fantasies of mine based off of my overactive imagination. It's a thin line, needless to say. But I love to walk it :)

Quotes

Forewarning, I'm going to write about some pent up thoughts. There's not really a purpose otherwise, so don't expect it.

I've been thinking a lot about quotes lately and their uses. I'll write down inspirational quotes to myself in hopes that I'll stumble upon them later in my life when I need them again (and thanks to a recent class, I even write down my thoughts next to them). I don't take notes at church because I feel that if I ever have to stand up for the gospel, I won't have my church journal there to back me up. I keep a journal, but lately I've felt it's not enough to just list my daily activities. I want to write about how those activities make me feel! What questions I have, what decisions I have made. And when I write them down I want them to be comprehensible so that I'm not just writing them down to become shut up in some journal collecting dust in the drawer under my bed. I want to be quotable, not out of vanity, but out of a hope that what I say and feel can help another person.

But anything I say has been said before. But that doesn't matter! So what if the ideas I have are written down in some other person's musings or other great works. The people I associate with may never find those thoughts! I love opinions! I collect them (which is not the same as agreeing with them, of course).

What do I agree with then? With the array of opinions out there and with so many confronting me...it's hard to decide sometimes. I don't like to fall back on the excuse, "Oh, I have an open mind to anything." No. I have opinions. I allow those opinions to change based on new ideas that are presented to me and I feel that they are worth changing my ideals for. But to allow your opinions to fluctuate whimsically in order to appease other's opinions is not for me. I'll usually respond "I can see where you are coming from." But then I have to think about it more. It's like...my own opinion is at the core and then I allow for branches of unique circumstances to attach themselves to it. I quite relish the challenge of knowing your own opinion and what you want to stand for.

So when people do like my opinions, it's weird. I don't take compliments well. I've had people compliment me on my thoughts or testimony and I try to recieve them graciously. But I never feel like I do. I'm so suspicious of them...So I suppose there's the paradox. I'm trying to get over my suspicions now and I'm trying to share my thoughts more.

Wish me luck I suppose.