Chuck Norris Chelsea

I have a confession to make. My friend has found me out and I can hold back the truth no longer. She has been sending me text messages of said truths to me constantly and in order to avoid her black mailing me, I now present them to you here now. Let it be known!

• Chelsea makes baby Jesus Cry
• Chelsea clubs baby seals
• Chelsea invented telemarketing
• Chelsea is responsible for 9/11
• Chelsea covers Marine animals in oil for fun
• Chelsea forces Koreans to become dry cleaners
• Chelsea was one of the points of protest in the Declaration of Independence
• Chelsea is the leading cause of child abuse in America
• Chelsea once abused all the old people in a nursing home at once.
• Chelsea once sold an entire troop of Girl Scouts into sex slavery just for the cookies
• Chelsea causes traffic jams with her mind
• Chelsea forced Waldo into hiding
• Chelsea scared Jack the Ripper at night
• Chelsea goes on vacation to Afghanistan to throw acid on people
• Chelsea once drank all the quinine in a village in Africa just to watch the babies with Malaria die.
• Chelsea likes Miley Cyrus
• Chelsea embezzled all the money from the Red Cross to finance her Farmville addiction
• Chelsea once shot a woman in the face and made HER apologize
• Chelsea uses the endangered animal list as a hunting guide
• Chelsea gives people AIDs as a hobby
• Chelsea thinks the raping of Nanking was weak
• Chelsea burns flags at the Olympics
• Chelsea is responsible for genocide in Bosnia
• Chelsea burns homeless people with glue guns for sport
• Chelsea throws toasters into public swimming pools
• Chelsea steals shopping carts from hobos
  
• Chelsea takes kittens away from Gorillas
• Chelsea's favorite shape is a Swastika
• Chelsea puts gelatin in Vegan's food
• Chelsea glues quarters to the bottom of fountains
• Chelsea paints Confederate flags on Civil Rights Leader's graves
• Chelsea supported the Black Death and thought the Dark Ages was progressive
• Chelsea is the leader of all organized crime
• Chelsea eats all of the free samples at Costco no matter how many people are waiting
• Chelsea invented toll booths
  
• Chelsea steals Bibles from churches to sell for tinder
• Chelsea gives prisoners shanks
• Chelsea stole food from Oliver Twist
• Chelsea is the reason why Mark Twain hates Mormons
• Chelsea made Hitler an anti-Semite
• Chelsea causes the blue screen of death
• Chelsea pulls the wings off of butterflies
• Chelsea parks in 4 handicap parking spots at once.
• Chelsea burned all the copies of Russian History and replaced it with Teletubbies
• Chelsea once made a coat made of 100's of hamsters she stole from 7 year olds
• Chelsea hates cupcakes
• Chelsea likes to kidnap kindergartners and make them do calculus.
• Chelsea once pinched Mother Teresa in the face
• Chelsea likes to throw chess pieces at homeless people
• Chelsea puts asbestos in the ice cream she sells with lead paint chip sprinkles
• Chelsea donated her hair to locks of love after she rubbed poison oak all over it

Accountable

Hey readers!

I have to admit, life seems pretty grey and hard to talk about after you go on an amazing adventure to the Mediterranean. That being said, I finally am writing again about my life and the things that amuse me therein.

Not being in school anymore gives me a lot of free time outside of work. I've picked up all my old hobbies that I've put aside en lieu of doing homework and studying. I have read multiple books, both for enjoyment and intellectually challenging-ness, that I have been meaning to get to. And I even found out I have unlimited texting now :D Life is good!

I have been, however, confronted with morality in the entertainment I am now seeking in my free time. I want to be informed! I have been reading political books, history, religious, sci-fi, and Mark Twain. I want to know about the things in the news today. I want to see the spectrum besides my own life of comfort versus others of pain, rape, genocides, cruelty, torture, and despondency.

It's easy enough to find these things in media as well as books...and twitter. I follow Breaking News on there and they give me an infinite amount of the stuff thanks to it constantly going on in the world.

So I mean, watching Rated R movies should be nothing, right? I mean, life is a Rated R movie, if not worse. Should I voluntarily ignore the topics covered in Rated R movies based solely on the seemingly ignorant fact that my church discourages it? Should I even be watching or reading documentaries about the violent and perverse actions of warring countries? So the church discourages us from being informed about the world, eh? Doesn't seem right that I should be ignorant of these evil deeds. How in the world then am I to counter these evils if I haven't seen, experienced, or know what they are?

To the unbeliever...God and faith doesn't hold in the face of guerrilla warfare and systematic war crimes. To the believer, understanding is also elusive.

So I want to know about these things in the only way I'm comfortable learning about them. Through media and most definitely not first hand experience. Who wants to be part of a war crime first hand?

I was at work on Wednesday when the security guard came up to chat with us. One of our workers pointed to the guards tattoo that I was politely ignoring and asked him about it. After explaining what it was, the security guard said he was getting it removed soon. I was surprised about this, mostly because if I got a tattoo (which I am in no danger of, trust me) I would keep it as a reminder of my sin in a form of self-aggrandizement. But he is getting it removed? He explained, "Well, I teach primary kids and I'm just tired of the questions they ask me and having to try to explain it to them unsuccessfully."

I enjoy greatly talking to my friends about controversial things. You get to see people unnerved and you also get to think about these things that are usually ignored or put on the fence as something to ignore. I've been talking profusely lately with friends about watching Rated R movies. I have been feeling a self-induced ignorance of late about the more serious topics in life because I avoid them as well as literature that delves into the more perverse things in life.

My friends already consider me well informed. How did I come to be well informed if I don't watch Rated R movies? There must needs be some inconsistency here.

Introspection day. Read about 8 articles on lds.org, put on MoTab to invite the spirit, and tried to listen to a spirit I have been avoiding as of late. It has come down to Brother Ezra straight out saying 'Don't watch Rated R movies'. So do I fulfill my desire to be informed when I am already informed or do I be faithful and ignorant?

So I asked myself, Do I believe in the prophet? Does he speak the word of God? Can he say anything contrary to God's will? Does God know what a rated-R movie is? Has he thought it necessary for me to know the evils of violence, pornography, and language (usual reasons for rated-R ratings)? Does evil ever really change? Is it really as elusive as I think it is? Isn't evil evil and good good? In the last days won't people call evil good and good evil?

I found myself explaining to my friends why it was ok to watch Rated R movies. How, Rated R movies can have deeper meanings and that sometimes they aren't rated R for violence or sex but because the topic is sensitive. Because it is hard for us humans to see in our entertainment what the holocaust was like or that war is not to be glorified but feared for the atrocity that it is. To those who use these justifications if not others, I cannot deny these truths. Many people cannot have empathy of these things easily save they see a movie about it.

As I am prone to do, I looked back on and analyzed at how I explained my newfound belief that Rated R movies were ok. But something was off with this belief and my current beliefs. That's why I had introspection day and tried to find an answer. It is because I am accountable to those I stand as an example for. Dear friends, I don't know if I am an example to you. I don't wish to have access to that form of pride. So instead I give another example that came to me. When I have children and they ask to see a rated R movie and I say no when I still do watch them, how will that hold any clout to their sense of truth? It will more hold sway to their sense of hypocrisy and my children will begin to see me as a mere mortal instead of their mother. And if you let your children watch rated R movies? And if you are able to overcome the feeling that you are instrumental to taking away their innocence? I have no doubt in my mind that the scripture will come to you that God prefers believers more than the fat of rams and repentance.

I've realized it isn't ignorance. It hasn't been blind faith or putting on the fence the 'question' of rated R movies...It was more the answer and faith to my other questions. God, if I don't watch these things you have warned me of, will you still inform me? Can I still have access to the ways of countering these evils in the world? Will I be strong enough to face them on your arm alone when I am ignorant? Will you accept my ignorance as a tool to use as I only gain information on the evils of this world from literature and documentaries that inform me in a righteous way? Is there such a way?

I have found many ways. As I read about history, it is laced with these evils. However, I have felt that good history books, lovely political books, and wholesome entertainment inform their constituents but do not relish in the evil unearthed therein. I have found that evil is always evil and there are no 'new' forms of evil.

Congrats on getting to the end of this post! I wrote it more for myself than anyone else. I felt my experience might help others who have gone through the same things I have. I may still find myself growing to incorporate other ideas. I might even convince myself that I am wrong, even now. Hopefully I won't let my human self choose things my spiritual self wouldn't. I still hold to the truth that I will never judge a person who watches rated R movies. Every persons salvation is between them a Christ. May the Holy Ghost be your guide.

Portal II Free

So this ad was placed on Craigslist this last Saturday. You'd think I'd be excited about a free video game, right? Well, I found out about it when someone texted me about it:

"I would love to have you Portal 2. Can I come pick it up from you?"

This confused me since not only was it from an unknown number and there was a grammatical error but I also had yet to have seen the ad, but I soon informed myself. I responded:

"I think you texted the wrong person, for I sadly do not own portal 2"

She then indignantly responded: "Hmm, I copied the number correctly off of Craig's List. Sorry about that."

"It's ok. Sorry it wasn't real."

I then thought to myself, "Someone's pulled a prank on me with my phone number". After a few more ill-placed text messages from random strangers eager to see if I still had the free $50 video game (one who begged me to text them back asap and another who actually quoted the link to the ad), I decided to find it for myself. I was, unfortunately, at work. I flagged down my boss, who has an iPad, and proceeded to search for it. Sure enough, the ad above had my phone number on it and I dutifully began to flag the post. However, until it was removed, I decided to have some fun with the already gullible text-ee's. I started to respond such things as various forms of apologies for not owning the game. My favorite was "What's a portal?", for that would certainly tick off any true gamer fan. :)

But now I've got it removed. Ta-da!

Of course, I tried to figure out who did it. I still don't know, so I only have my conjectures to console me. However, I did try to figure it out. A friend suggested that the post-ee might have encouraged their friends to text me about it as part of the prank (no need mind you, plenty of random text's received), so I used my handy stalking skills (i.e. googling the phone numbers who texted me then matching the unblocked names to facebook/myspace searches), but to no avail.

Now I'm just afraid that my identity will be stolen while I'm abroad @_@

Communal Computers

This is the background on a school computer. Waaaaaaah?????

Cameo Apperances

So I have made two cameo appearances on two websites in the past little while.

First, for my work I made it onto their website! I'm the one in the white jacket http://www.shopsatriverwoods.com/

Second, I made it on the Provo Mayor's Blog! I'm in the collage, in the picture of the people sitting on top of the white house. What can I say, I had good seats :D -> http://provomayor.blogspot.com/2011/07/parade-from-my-view.html

Not my best work

I'm working on an Independent Study essay and this is the first paragraph that I just wrote...pre-final draft of course:

"There are three mathematical problems that arose in Ancient Greece that have provided endless hours of methodical thought for mathematicians throughout time. However, it was established in the 19^th century that they cannot be solved save by approximation using a straightedge and compass. They still influence mathematicians today because as these problems are attempted to be solved, many mathematicians have created a form of mathematics that creates a whole new section of mathematics for mathematicians to use."

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttthhhhhhh...th.

Funny Photos

So I've taken a lot of photos that make me giggle lately and I thought I'd share them. Enjoy~!

First things first, I went to go see "Narnia: The Musical". Yeah, I know. It was just about as epic as it sounds. But my friend was directing it and the guy that played Mr. Tumnus was pretty spectacular :D So I was happy with it, overall. This is my roommate, who kindly and magnanimously went with me. :D
So the play was at a school in Springville I believe...whatever city is 15 min south of Provo. The theater had a wall wholly dedicated to old school photos of the cities annual parade. I have two photos that were my favorite. The one above is of the Golden Onion award that reminded me of the "Good Egg" awards I used to strive diligently for in elementary school. So that little girl on the left is me, but with a huge egg award instead of an onion :D

Now the picture below I am going to give you my interpretation through dialogue.
Pageant Winner: "Ok, I'm here for the pageant photo shoot? Where should I go? Oh, over here? Ok. And you want me to wear...you want me to wear a statue of liberty costume? Ok, ok, I can do that."
1 hour later
Pageant Winner thinking: I've been standing here, envealoped in a flag, posing as the statue of liberty, and I still don't know what the fuzzy thing by my feet is...

Ok, I'm done pretending to be funny, but seriously WHO thought of this? It's just...it just makes me glad I'm not a pageant winner.
Yes, I thought it said Obama shaved ice too :D This picture was taken at my local Smith's grocery store and I'm just glad I had my camera.
So I went to the U2 concert this past month and I have to say...what do you have to do to get this job?!?! You get to sit up in a man-made arena and shine lights on a singer for 3 hours...at an EXTREME height. I'm just saying, it's pretty cool...and those seats are slightly ridiculous.